Doctor: You say you're experiencing constant pain. Where does it hurt?
Me: Everything hurts
Me: My ships are sinking
Me: All of them
Me: All of my ships
Doctor: Oh fuck, you're one of those people
what she says: brb shower!!
what she really means: imagine me naked and wet in the shower i hope you think i'm hot
The Catholic Church, indifferent and lethargic in its response to the sexual...– Graham Linehan @Glinner (via atheismfuckyeah)
Daughter: Hey dad, I found an old game on the hard drive. Can I play it?
Me: Yeah go ahead. What game is it?
Daughter: The filename is Portal 2.
Me: Chell, call down your brothers, Wheatley and Rick. It's time your dad tells you a story.
ihopericksantorum: I hope Rick Santorum’s last remaining pokemon is a magikarp who only knows splash and he’s one tile away from getting out of the ocean but he runs into another magikarp who only knows splash so he has to battle it until they resort to using struggle and it takes him an hour.
Rick Santorum today won the Kansas caucuses, beating Mitt Romney by 30 percent....– SETH MEYERS, Saturday Night Live (via inothernews)
did-you-kno: The Bajau Laut people of the south-western Philippines and Indonesia live their entire lives on the sea. Known as “sea gypsies” or “sea nomads”, they inhabit amazing villages built on stilts in the middle of the ocean. Many Bajau people do not set foot on land except to trade fish and sea cucumbers for rice and (ironically) water, build new boats, or bury the deceased. In fact,...